Why Saturdays Are the Worst

courtney dercqu writer

Every Saturday morning is met with an irrevocably loud silence. I've always been amused by the way people often describe silence as deafening because it's ultimately the biggest contradiction, we as a society, make. We attribute these emotions and abstract concepts to simple feelings because silence, can actually be one of the most destructive and … Continue reading Why Saturdays Are the Worst

The Reality of What It’s Like to Lose Your Mom

losing your mom

There’s something to be said about the abstract side of grief. I was reading a book this morning called Mistaken Identity. It’s a story about two families from Indiana whose daughters’ identity were swapped, thus forcing one family to bury who they believed to be their daughter, while their actual child lay comatose, in the … Continue reading The Reality of What It’s Like to Lose Your Mom

Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Motherless Bride

planning my wedding without my mom

I often feel like those around me hate me. I don’t live up to this “traditional bridal” role, and it often makes me feel worse on top of how shitty I already feel. When my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer at the age of 55 in 2011, it never occurred to me … Continue reading Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Motherless Bride

Brides Can Have Anxiety About Their Bridal Fittings, Too

bridal fitting new jersey

Brides Have Just as Much Anxiety I have my first bridal fitting tonight and I'm pretty anxious. For the past year, anytime it came to doing things for the wedding, I've politely skirted around the issue. When my future mother-in-law would ask, "When are we going to look at bridal gowns together?" I'd kindly smile, … Continue reading Brides Can Have Anxiety About Their Bridal Fittings, Too

My Bridal Shower Sucked, But I Got Through It

Courtney bridal shower

If you want to know what the hardest part of this whole wedding process was, just ask me about my bridal shower. Back in May, I was experiencing one of the hardest weeks of 2018 since my mom died. I can't remember why, but I remember crumbling at the very mention of the word 'wedding.' … Continue reading My Bridal Shower Sucked, But I Got Through It

I Made The Choice to No Longer Hide My Emotions While I’m Grieving

cher atlantic city nj

As much as I'd like to say it gets better, it's on days like these that I'm fearful that they don't. I've been planning my wedding since December of 2016, after getting engaged six months earlier at my favorite cafe where my soon-to-be-husband and I shared our first caffeinated first date. Fast forward six months … Continue reading I Made The Choice to No Longer Hide My Emotions While I’m Grieving

What I Learned About Grief, As A 20-Something Who Lost A Parent

I used to write because I loved it. But now I only write as a way to consolidate my grief. I’ve given myself a pretty decent window of time for me to be able to grapple with the fact that my mother died from Stage IV Breast Cancer. I’ve done all the things you’re supposed to … Continue reading What I Learned About Grief, As A 20-Something Who Lost A Parent