As published on Thought Catalog.
If you were to know me about ten years ago when I was just 16 years old, you would have probably thought I was the shittiest person in the world. I’ll be the first to admit: I strung guys along. Not a ton of them – really there were only two of them. But believe me, hindsight being 20/20 made me realize how terrible that was to do to someone. And, believe me, it didn’t take a decade to figure out what was so awful about that.
But, we’ve all been there. We’ve all been the girl who the guy is willing to bend over backwards for. We’ve all been the girl who acts bat shit crazy when she stumbles across a man she likes. And, then, once we’ve matured, and calmed down and stop running around like chickens with our heads cut off – we eventually settle down and allow spider webs to collect on these stories until it’s time to pass those treasured tales down to the next generation.
Here are the 3 kinds of dating habits we’ve all had (even if we’re too scared to admit it).
1. THE BAD
Ah, the tragic tale of the one sided love affair. And by one sided I mean, the love affair that exists in one person’s head and not the other. Like the cute cashier who works behind the counter at Arby’s. He becomes the gravitational pull to your existence. He smiled at you once – maybe gave a flirtatious smile to get you to leave a tip. WHO CARES. You’re already middle-school crushing it up making sure your hair looks nice to order chicken fingers and an iced tea.
You talk about him to your circle of friends like you know him…which besides the cumulative twenty five minutes you spent at Arby’s this week, you technically don’t. Naturally you begin to wonder: what did he mean when he handed me my Reuben and said, “My favorite customer!” Does that mean I’m really his favorite? Why am I his favorite? DEAR GOD WE NEED ANSWERS NOW!
Don’t worry. I’ve been there. The cashier at Arby’s doesn’t even look at me anymore. #Fail.
2. THE UGLY
That poor bastard is driving you an hour away to go visit your boyfriend because you said you didn’t have a ride and we all know how *that* line works. You have friend zoned him so bad. It’s not even fair how bad you’ve friend zoned him. You know he likes you, and you’re slightly annoyed with him over the fact that HE isn’t getting the hint. We’ll just ignore the fact that you probably curl up on his bed and take selfies with him and tell him that he’s the sweetest guy ever. NO WAY CAN HE GET MIXED SIGNALS THERE.
Ugh, girls are the worst.
3. THE GOOD.
So, that guy you friend zoned finally got the good sense to realize your friendship wasn’t worth it. Or, maybe he just found someone else and realized that you’re better off as friends. Either way – the good habit in dating comes hopefully after you’ve transitioned from your ugly, cyber* stalking* days and found a cute, handsome barista looking individual to settle down with.
Suddenly you’ve channeled your inner Cinderella and are singing with birds chirping outside your window and scrubbing floors, and WAIT A MINUTE – how is that good habit? Relationships last based off three things: good sex, inside jokes, and a Swiffer because ain’t nobody got time to be scrubbing the kitchen floor like good ole’ Cinderelly over here. Duh – she found her man by losing her shoe. I always knew there was a happy ending in shoe shopping.