I Ghosted Someone And This Is Why I Don’t Regret It

As published on Elite Daily. You can check out the full article here

 

For a brief three-month window, I “dated” this dude named Craig. His name’s not really Craig, but I can only assume this is a really Craig-like thing to do.

Attention: To anyone reading this named Craig, don’t be this guy, OK?

Craig is what Vince Vaughn would probably refer to as a stage five clinger. Like, he wasn’t terrible and you could kind of tell he was just desperate for love, but his approach made you kinda want to run away from that senator’s luxury mansion (I love “Wedding Crashers”).

So, Craig. We casually dated for a couple months. I can’t say I was really into him. Having a conversation with him was like pulling teeth. Sometimes his yes and no answers made me feel like I was one of those old school MySpace quizzes and he was just answering the best way he knew how.

But we had a ton of stuff in common. This was the biggest reason that I hung around.

I was fresh off a bad relationship and I was probably just as awkward as he was. But the things we did have in common were vital for me in a relationship: sense of humor, same interests in activities, motivation to continually grow and learn as an individual.

Plus I knew that what we had was just simplistic. I said right up front that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, a statement I thought he was equally okay with. What we had was rooted out of companionship, nothing physical. Hell, it wasn’t even *that* emotional.

Every time we saw each other (maybe once a week at most) he got more and more serious. He started talking about spending the holidays together. He started suggesting long weekend trips to the city, or going hiking once the weather got warmer.

He moved way too fast. When he told me he wanted to send me roses one day, I very honestly told him I wasn’t ready for that. We were casually talking to each other for a month, and he wants to send roses? Red roses = love.

It was way too soon for that for me. When I told him this, he didn’t hear me at all. He just kept talking about how ecstatic he was to send a girl some flowers. That was all well and good, and I appreciated the gesture.

But when somebody tells you that you’re moving too fast for them, you listen. After all, relationships of any kind are built from trust and respect. And after multiple times of telling him he was moving too fast for me, he continued persisting.

Before long, I ghosted, which was something I had never done before. It’s not something I normally would be eager to admit, but in this circumstance, I honestly felt like I had no other choice.

I had told him how he was making me feel. I reiterated that he was moving too fast, suggested that we slow the pace all to no avail. And honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to try and continue until my point became clear.

Everybody says ghosting is a terrible thing and it is, if the person you’re with went from being all into you to ignoring your texts. People like that are assholes. But in some cases, I don’t think the action is unwarranted.

We all move at a different pace and when one party refuses to respect what you’re telling them you need, then sometimes you’ve got to do what’s best for you and forget about hurting someone else’s feelings.

At the end of the day it’s about your comfort zone, and if someone can’t respect that, then peace.

But saying that, I can’t help but wonder how Craig’s doing now.

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