As published on Elite Daily. You can check out the entire article here.
It’s my personal opinion that when you have a healthy relationship, you don’t bicker about the trivial stuff.
Contrary to popular belief, no, we’re not in high school, and these were still the kinds of things they focused on.
It was petty mainly because you’re allowed to have friends of a different gender, but also because there was no trust in their relationship because of this.
Unfortunately, that kind of behavior is the kind of thing I think a lot of us reading this article have encountered.
Somewhere along the lines, someone we date will be riddled with insecurities to the point that it makes them appear jealous, and thus, they will scream, yell and try to control whom we hang out with, talk with and post pictures with on social media with.
Having insecurities is normal, and we all have them.
But, you should never allow the person you’re dating to have control over you and your choices.
If everything turns into an argument from something as simple as texting your best male friend since high school, then it’s time to reevaluate your relationship and what you’re settling for.
Because at the end of the day, you deserve to be involved in a relationship in which your SO treats you like an equal.
Here are the five controlling habits you should never deal with:
1. Whom you hang out with
You had your friends way before you met your significant other, but you’re going to let THEM call all the shots?
Your partner is not obligated in any way to like your friends. In fact, I’d be surprised if you or your partner did honestly like every single one of the people you hang out with.
This isn’t “Sex and the City.” Friendships are not that freakin’ solid, OK?
Your SO does not have to like every single person because sometimes, two people’s personalities just don’t mesh. But, your SO does need to respect them and your choice to continue hanging out with them.
The minute your SO tells you to not hang out with someone is the moment when you have to rethink why they’re saying that.
2. What you post on social media
Listen, to each their own.
While I may not be the kind of girl who likes to show things off on social media, that doesn’t mean the person you’re with has a right to tell you not to do it.
It’s your life, honey. If he doesn’t like the kind of stuff you post on Instagram, tell him he can unfollow you.
3. Not texting back immediately
I accept this behavior if you were supposed to be home at 8 pm, and it’s 10 pm and your SO is worried something might have happened to you.
In that case, they can text and call away.
But, it turns into controlling behavior when it’s been two minutes, and your SO freaks out because you haven’t immediately responded.
What I absolutely hate more than anything is the person who gets angry when their SO doesn’t text them back without any regard as to what is going on in their life at that moment.
Newsflash: Life isn’t just about your SO and when texting is convenient for your SO. If your SO does this, seriously, just end it because you deserve better.
4. Seeing your family
It’s super hard to try to fit both sides of the family in when it comes to the holiday season. Everyone wants to see you.
In every relationship, there will be give and take. One year it’ll be your family, and the next it’s their family, or however you choose to split it up.
But, your SO should never make the decision for you that you’re only going to see their side of the family.
Control is about isolating you from those you love — friends and family included — to make you dependent on the other person.
If you see this trend start to happen, it’s best to get out right away before things get much, much worse.
5. How you spend your free time
Listen, it doesn’t matter what kind of job you work or how many responsibilities you have tacked on to your to-do list. Everyone deserves to enjoy free time.
Whether you want to write, take pictures, watch a movie or go to bed early without tidying up your house or cooking dinner, then it’s your right to do so.
Never let anyone convince you that your main responsibility in life to do what’s best by them. You do not owe anything to anyone, clean house and cooked meals included.
You are a valuable human being with your own interests and desire to unwind and relax. Never let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel like a failure because you want to take a rest.
Remember, you are a wonderful person, and even though we all have insecurities and expectations about what we want out of life, those expectations should never be aimed at making you feel less of a person or make you question your dignity.
If you’re experiencing a controlling relationship, understand you’re not alone, and there are many resources available to you.
Confide in a friend, a family member or a mental health professional, and know you deserve nothing but the best this world has to offer.